Wednesday, February 05, 2014

On fourth

"Sebab sedih, jadi lapar"
"Happy birthday"

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Death is coming..


Awal awal nak bagitau, maafkan kesilapan Bahasa Inggeris sebab saya.. entahlah. Jangan baca kalau nyampah gila gila gila dengan post ini yang anda rasa macam berlagak omputih tapi kulit melayu sawo matang makan sambal belacan dah naik alergik.


As I'm getting older by day and by year, I could care less about wishes at 12, sharp or 1:05am. Not expecting any.. To whoever that may be still ingat my birthday, thank you. Include my name in your doa as well. Nak nama penuh tak? Tolong alamatkan namaku di dalam doamu. Boleh?

Before you ask me WHAT YOU CAN GET FOR MY BIRTHDAY, uhm I'll tell you later. Ask me personally keeeeee but I know you won't.

I was (and still am, i guess?) used to not sleeping the night before my birthday. Despite being well into my teens, birthdays still gave me that sense of excitement, gave me that insistent feeling that nothing and no one could piss me off, simply because it was my birthday. But the eve of my eighteenth was different. I didn't toss and turn at the prospect of a slice of cake and a few renditions of 'Happy Birthday.'


Turned my phone off.
Logged out of facebook.
Ignoring twitter.
Idc about instagram.




Oh well..

Being me.. I am not really into surprise party or huge celebration. I dislike the idea of having to mix with people in real life. No. NOT BEING AN ANTI-SOCIAL GIRL but socializing outside is a little bit too awkward for me as I have nothing to discuss with people in common.

What I would like to express is heartfelt thanks to Allah SWT for an amazing life and letting me to live, again. He has rescued me from fear and death, and given me a future and a hope. Which of the favours of my Lord would I deny..


Remember when I was mentally breaking down and silently cried and hugged my girl. Habis semua hingus air mata masin gua lap kat tudung dia. Mohon dia ampunkan dan halalkan. I would never ever let that thing happen again. Never let anything tear me down. Simple note for self. Arasso?

(An aunty, a Japanese and a tosai man tell us a thing or two about friendship... )


Ternyata.. menjadi lebih tua itu tidak ada apa yang menyeronokkan. Hanya bisa menjadi tiket yang separa untuk kita berkata, "Kau budak kecik apa tau." to shut little kiddos up sebab mereka sangat banyak bicaranya yang kadang kadang ada logika tapi kita masih dengan ego tak mahu terima. Tak gitu?


Dan menjangkau umur ini, saya cuma memikirkan kematian. Tidakkah anda juga begitu? Kerana setiap jantung akan berhenti berdegup detik maut datang menyapa.


Lewat malam kelmarin, dan semalam punya kelmarin, dan malam belakangan ini, selalu dapat mimpi yang tak manis. Yang sadis. Yang mulanya saya fikir itu paling sorgaaa tapi itu satu malapetaka.

“Sesungguhnya segala yang bermula itu akan berakhir, 
setiap yang kuat itu memiliki kelemahan dan 
setiap yang hidup pasti akan mati”

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Ahad, 2. Februari
"Lusa nak culik awak"
"Bukan awak dah balik ke?"
"Balik mana?"
"Balik matrik la"

Dia sepatutnya balik 6 Februari. Saya sendiri lupa angka 4 wujud.

5 comments:

zacky786 said...

hb :)
all the best for ur future...

Nurulee said...

mati tu janji cuma tak tahu bila.
hahaha. pernah kena 'kau budak kecik apa tahu'
hmmmm. padahal dah besar dah ni TT____TT

Niena Reen said...

Selamat ulang tahun. Ya, tak perlu tunggu birthday juga kita tetap menghampiri mati pada setiap saat. Cuma perlu bersedia saja lah kan sebab kita tak tahu bila... :')

ayut said...

Ap pon moga selamat semua yer apbila umor smkin mngkat ni...moga trus success dunia akhirat....

twinkle twinkle said...

dh besar dah wani skrgg :)